As a very emotional, unorganized and sometimes childish person I have often wondered how I would react if I had to step up to the plate. What would I do when a curve ball was thrown my way and life suddenly changed. When I found out Little Miss was sick I reacted the way I expected to in that type of situation. Today I found myself in a similar one and today I found a strength I never realized I had.

A little background… I am not good at doing certain things such as calling people on the phone or dealing with people I don’t know. My mother, (the strongest, most amazing person I know) tried to teach me. I never felt like learning. When I was a sophomore in college I decided that I was going to learn to be on my own and for awhile I succeeded. Then instead of finishing my degree and heading out into the world on my own, I got my MRS degree. And while I don’t regret it there are times I feel I never finished growing up. Then I became a mother. You have to grow up but I still have problems doing what needs to be done. Then 6:30 this morning happened.

I woke up to R2-D2, who was across the house. I looked at my alarm (which was 30 seconds from going off) and wondered how was calling. When I got to the phone I saw I had a missed call from J. So I called him back.

“Hi.”

“I got in an accident (my heart stopped) but I’m okay (it started back up).” He went on to tell me someone had pulled out in front of him, there were witnesses and that he was having trouble breathing.

So for an hour I paced the house thinking of all the things I would need to do, thinking of what to do with the girls and thinking of stupid things such as how glad I was we didn’t get around to replacing his windshield. When we finally talked again he said they were pretty sure he had a couple broken bones and a bruise on his brain.

So, I dropped the girls off at church/pre-school were my boss told me that she could watch them for me for the afternoon as well. I was so thankful that I had one less thing to worry about. Then I headed to the hospital, across town. The reason he was across town, he was a block from work.

When I got there, I got lost. It took a good ten minutes before I finally figured out where I was going. When I saw J, it was scary but I still remained calm and level headed. The doctor talked with us a while and then left. J talked to me for awhile and he went to get some more x-rays. We talked more. Then we were told the spot on his brain had nothing to do with the accident. Then he had an echo to make sure nothing was puncturing the fluid around his heart. Then we talked some more. Then I tired to call the impound and got a recording. More people came and talked to and told us he would be moving upstairs. Then I called Progressive to tell them about the accident. She was so amazing, she made it so easy. Then we waited some more. We FINALLY moved upstairs. Talked to more doctors. Then I left to go to the impound. When I got there, I had to wait. I was the only person there and she was just on her computer. It was annoying but I actually kept my cool. Then I went and cleaned out the car we were hoping could last us two more years so we could afford something new/newer. The key was snapped off in the ignition, the air bag was deployed and the glove box was hanging on by a thread. I didn’t even bother to look and the front end until I drove away, I was to focused on the task at hand and didn’t want to lose it. The front end was gone. I cringed a little. I went to go get lunch. Progressive called. He had the same name as J. I parked and talked to him. Finally got some lunch. My mom called. Talked to her a few minutes. Came home, called my boss and figured out a time to meet for me to get the girls. I ate lunch and almost passed out, I shouldn’t have relaxed for five minutes. I got all of J’s stuff out of my car. He lunch cooler had had it. Have to get him a new one. Went and got the girls. Drove all the way back across town. Girls fell asleep. Huge thunderstorm for half of the drive. I was really nervous, had trouble seeing. Got to the hospital. The guy at valet helped me get the girls out, parked the car for me and brought me my keys. (Those guys at valet parking were all super nice.) Got the girls upstairs. They wanted nothing to do with Daddy. They were freaked. Went back down to the car sans kids get J’s glasses out of the car so he could finally see again. Spent time with J. Finally got some answers to some questions. The girls gave Daddy kisses when saying goodbye. Drove back across town. Made supper. Ate. Put the girls to bed. Talked to my mother again. Talked to J. Watched a movie so I wouldn’t have to focus on reality. Decided to write it all down.

I know, it’s a run on paragraph, but that is how my day went and felt. And now, I am so tired. I still won’t sleep. If I do, I will probably cry myself to sleep. And then I will start all over again tomorrow.

~Mama