Archive for June, 2010

I read a daily blog called Cake Wrecks. I love it. It makes any day a little brighter. It’s also hugely popular. So popular in fact that they have a book. I wasn’t planning on getting the book until I got it as a gift or they finally came this way on a book tour. Needless to say it showed up at my house yesterday. I was ordering some stuff from amazon and needed a few more bucks for free shipping and you can get it for under $6.

This morning I brought the book out to the table while the girls were eating breakfast. L was super excited. Her favorite cake is in it, the Mohawk-baby carrot jockeys. Ever time she sees them she starts singing “carrots and babies” over and over again. Then she proceeded to ask if we could make a carrot and baby cake. What truly goes through the head of a three year old?

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I’d like to do
Is to save every day
Till Eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

- Jim Croce

I have always loved this song. When I sat down to write and think of title it popped into my head. Therefore I have to think of something other to write than what I had planned since this has nothing to do with what I was going to write.

Growing up I listened to a lot of “oldies.” Both of my parents love to listen to music. They have everything from records to 8 tracks to tapes to cds. I thought it was kind of crazy how much music they had. Evey time I go back to their house though they have even more!

In a way I envy them. I used to listen to music all the time, now not so much. I spent hours in my room with the stereo blasting. My brother and I would have wars to drown each other out, his room was located directly above mine so it didn’t take much to hear each others music.

My husband is also a music lover, one of the reasons I fell in love with him. He does listen to music still and always talking about someone new he heard on Pandora. He loves Pandora, it helps keep him sane when he’s at works. I would need music if I had a desk job as well.

My daughters both love music as well and it makes me incredibly happy. They are constantly singing and dancing. L loves to make up songs or change the words to songs she knows. She mostly sings to K to help her feel better, it makes my heart swell to see the way the interact. It’s so beautiful. K will dance to any music that she hears, including the X-File theme which makes me crack up every time.

I do love music. They way it makes you feel, every song creates a different reaction. Some make you want to dance, others cry and my favorite are the ones that you just can’t help but sing along with.  Bursting out in song no matter how crazy it makes you look. Whether it’s an old song that brings back memories of  family road trips or a new one that you have to listen to over and over again until you know it inside and out and you feel like it has become a  part of you, songs  and their music are magical.

I love to pretend. (That could be why I like acting some much, it’s an acceptable way  for adults to play make believe.) For as long as I can remember I’ve loved making my own worlds, my wonderlands.

I’ve always been somewhat of a loner. One of those who can be surrounded but always alone. In high school I was friends with people in just about every different group there was. I did have my close group of friends but there where times even they tended to leave me out. So, I made my own friends and realities.

One of my favorite was to pass the time was to make up story lines for my favorite T.V. shows, something I still like to do to occupy my mind. I would often be surprised when one that I had thought of became a reality down the line. Of course they were never exactly the same but often close enough that it was kind of cool but also a like freaky.

As I grow up I miss playing pretend. L, my oldest has an amazing imagination and often pretends to be someone else, usually a princess. The thing is I never really seem to fit into her realities, to find that childlike wonder that it takes to create those possibilities.

I find that I have the same problem with writing, in a sense. I make up these stories in my head. I write whole chapters and then I go to put it on paper. It always seems to fall flat. Somewhere between my head and my hands something gets lost in translation.

My 10 year high school reunion is coming up this summer and as of late I have been reminiscing. As I look back at not only the last 10 years but the last 28 I see just how much I have changed.

When I was little I wanted to be a pop star. I’m sure at one point I wanted to be a princess just like my oldest, but I don’t remember that. What I remember is have one of those recorders with the microphone that you could sing into. I used it ALL the time. When I was a teenager my brother found some of those tapes and I was SO embarrassed. Now I kind of wish I had them so I could share them with my daughters.

Then, in third grade, I started acting. We did a play at school and at church we did a musical. I fell in love. Especially with musicals. I could act and sing. In middle school we did a musical every year. Then I got to high school and my love of theater took off, there was just so much there. Still at that point music was my first love. Until I met CB.

The day I met CB I knew I wanted to be a mother. I’m pretty sure I was 16 but I might have been 15, which would make her a teenager! CB was a surprise to her family. They already had two pre-teen girls and hadn’t planned on having anymore. I was so excited though because I loved the other girls and couldn’t wait to meet the baby. She changed my life though very few people ever knew how much.

Though I knew in my heart my true path I decided that it would be smart to go to college and further my education. Part of that decision was that I had nothing else going for me. I mean, it’s hard to be a mom when you don’t have a man. (I know differently now, but I was 18.)

So for two years I focused and worked hard. Then J came back into my life and I knew where my heart truly lied.

Now, when I look in the mirror I don’t see a world that is a fairy tale, I see reality.

Last night I finally watched Julie & Julia. It inspired me. I thought to myself why am I writing about cooking. Yes, I love cooking but that’s not really me. I can write pretty damn good. In college, one of my teachers compared me to Dave Berry. I should have known right then and there to do more with my writing but I didn’t. Instead I dropped Communications all together and fully devoted myself to Theater. Well, that didn’t work out so great either.

When I went to college I was planning on majoring in music with a minor in theater. After my first year I dropped music. It wasn’t fun anymore, they killed my love of music. I stayed in choir though and came to love it again as time went on. I decided that I would major in theater with a minor in communications. I found that I didn’t have a love for communications so I decided to focus all my energy on theater, my true passion. Then things went very awry.

The summer before my Junior year I got mono. At first we thought it was strep throat. Only after it came back for the third time did the doctor test for mono. By then my immune system was so out of whack that it changed my life forever.

I missed the first week of school. After being there a couple weeks I just couldn’t keep up. I was to tired to go to class and to do my homework. So I decided to take the semester off. If I was smart I would have went home and gotten rest. Instead I decided to stay, move in with a friend and get a job. It was while at said job one day that I say an ex of mine. We exchanged numbers. Within a week we were back together. When I wasn’t at work, I was with him. I found that my priorities changed a lot during those few months. I went from figuring what film school I was going to go to after college to what my life with J was going to be.

I went back to school for spring semester but still had trouble keeping up. It took me a while to get back into the groove of things. Once I did I hit a road block.

We had auditions for the spring play and while I didn’t really expect a part (this particular teacher NEVER cast me in anything) I knew I had done great. The day the cast went up I didn’t have a part, as expected. What wasn’t expected was that the teacher came and told me that I had done really well. When he left I turned around and asked the others in the room, “So why didn’t I get the part instead of the same person who always does?” We had just been discussing how the same people always got cast. That’s when I decided that this wasn’t for me anymore.

Not long after J asked me to marry him. My life took off in a new direction. I was burn out when it came to school and I decided to not go back for my last year. Instead I got married. Six and a half years later I still miss the theater and sometimes regret not finishing school but I would not change my  life for the world.